25 (of the many things) I hope to teach my son.

In light of the birth of my twin nieces yesterday (September 24, 2013) I have been starting to think a lot more about how this pregnancy will likely end very soon with a real live baby. I am still in utter disbelief sometimes that we are going to walk into the hospital in a few weeks and they are going to actually let us leave with a small infant. So small and malleable. A blank canvas for us to paint. I constantly ask myself the question "how will we make sure he turns out ok!?". An immense amount of pressure comes along with having a baby. You want to make sure that you teach them to be a good person, with morals, ideals, strength, faith and most importantly you want them to learn from the mistakes YOU have already made. Unfortunately, life is about making our own mistakes. So my worst parenting nightmares are bound to come true eventually...

Not going to lie, I am incredibly thankful that my first stab at parenting get's to be with a little boy. As wonderful as little girls can be, they can also be little nightmares. Still, you worry even with little boys. Will they get caught up with the wrong crowd? Will they get into trouble? Will he struggle in school? 

Jackson is already lucky enough to have a good daddy leading him by example (after all, kids learn by what they see, not by what we tell them). However, no parent is ever perfect, we are bound to make some mistakes. So, I have been thinking a lot about the things I want to make sure to teach my son about life. There are too many horrible, no good, very bad men in this world. I want my son to be one of the good ones. Here are just a few things, in no particular order:

1. It’s OK to be a mama’s boy. - OK but only to a certain extent, what is most important is I want him to know that it is OK to love your mom and it doesn't make you any less of a man. 
2. No woman will ever love you more than your mom does. - FACT. I loved him first.
3. That being said, don’t expect women to be your mother. Alright, alright, I know eventually he will have to let him go. When he finds that woman who loves him with all her heart, I want him to know that comparing her to his mother is not OK. A wife will love you and care for you, but as a grown man you have to be able to take care of yourself too. 
4. You are loved. No matter what. - This is an important one. Everyone makes mistakes. We all stumble and fall. I want him to know that no matter where he goes or what he does that we love him, unconditionally and wholeheartedly.
5. Mommy and daddy love each other, no matter what. - This is especially important to me. A strong family is so important. Our children learn about love from their parents. Seeing and experiencing how they love each other teaches us how to love others. I love my husband with all my heart and I want Jackson to know that will never change, even when it seems like we don't ;)
6. Nothing in life is free! - In today's world filled with entitled little brats, I want Jackson to know that the best things in life are earned. Nothing is given away for free. There is always a price to be paid!
7. You are not better than anybody! - I meet too many young kids on a day to day basis that think they know it all, have seen it all and know better than anyone else. I want Jackson to know that we can always learn something from everyone. You level of education, income and pedigree don't make you who you are. Life experience does. You can't know another person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. 
8. Always open doors for a lady and carry her groceries. - Chivalry does not need to be dead! It's time we start expecting our sons to grow up to be gentlemen again.
9. It’s never acceptable to break up with a girl over the phone - A little integrity goes a long way. I fear for my son and the social media centered world he is going to grow up in. People nowadays only connect through Facebook instead of giving people a call on the phone. It makes people feel insignificant, or like just another one of your twitter followers. I want Jackson to remember to stay connected to his family and friends away from the computer screen. So when it comes to breaking up with a girl, the same is true don't do it on Facebook! (or twitter or instagram, vine, snapchat, or facebook, or any other social media outlet for that matter).
10. Surround yourself with good, honest people. - Your friends should be the people you respect and admire. I learned a hard lesson a long time ago that you are who you associate with. A bad group of friends can really bring you down.
11. You can’t put “star athlete” or “life of the party” on your resume. - Sure these are all well and good, but they don't make you into a good man. Be intelligent, responsible, and hardworking instead. Don't get too caught up in the person you are in high school. Focus on the man you want to be in real life.
12. You might never be a pro-athlete - Being a Jarvis boy he is bound to set some out of this world goal to end up the next Aaron Rodgers. The likelihood of that happening is fairly low, but that is OK.
13. Everyone makes mistakes, eventually they get it right. - Even mom and dad. Trust me. Eventually we all get something right :)
14. Take responsibility for your actions. - This goes back to the entitled feeling that too many people have in today's world. People respect a person who can admit when they are wrong, and are accountable for their own actions. No excuses! 
15. Stand for something and make a difference. - Stand for something or you will fall for anything. That is so incredibly true. Don't let other people dictate your beliefs. Stand strong in what you believe in, no matter what. 
16. No matter where you are, you can always come home. - Period. Your mom will always make you dinner and possibly even desert. 
17. God created you with a purpose. - You are not here by accident. In the words of the wise Simon Birch, you ARE God’s instrument, and he is using you to carry out HIS plan. Have faith in that plan, even when it seems hopeless.
18. Think before you speak, or post! - Like I said previously, Facebook and other social media has consumed our world. I don't want to imagine what horrible thing will be popular by the time Jackson grows up. Too many people use it as their main and only form of communication. Remember to spend time talking to people in the real world! Most importantly don't forget that whatever you send out into internet land is there forever! For the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE. Nothing is private. Don't forget it.
19. Read the book before you watch the movie. - So important. The book is always better. It gives you the opportunity to build your own story before all of your imagination is imagined for you. 
20. Just because you don’t agree with those in authority, does not mean you should not respect them. - This could mean your parents, teachers, or even politicians. We might disagree with people, and we might debate with them, but they deserve our respect regardless. 
21. Eat your vegetables, even the mushrooms. - Your dad will try to tell you otherwise.
22. Never stop asking questions. - If you do, you will never find the answers. Always ask "why", always question the norm. 
23. It’s OK to be passionate. - Don't be embarrassed to feel strongly about something. Don't hide your passion for life.
24. If you feel the need to lie about it, it’s probably not a good idea. - If you find yourself in a situation in which you couldn't talk to you mom about it, maybe think twice about doing it. 
25. People are more important than money - It might seem one day like the most important thing in the world is money. It pays the bills and buys nice things, it makes the world go round. People and love are worth so much more. All the money in the world can't buy you a family that loves you. 

This list is obviously not comprehensive, and is in no particular order of importance. Just a few things on my mind that I wan't to teach to my son. As hard as I pray to by my son's ultimate favorite parent, I know the absolute best thing for him is to look to his amazing daddy as an example. One day our little boy will have to grow up to be a Man, and he will need a road map to get him there. Who better than his daddy? A hardworking man of strength, faith and integrity. I just hope we can teach him to be the best person he can be and give him all the love he deserves. 

What I wasn't expecting when I found out I was expecting...

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It is a complete and total miracle. From a tiny poppy seed sized embryo to a crying, kicking bundle of joy. From the moment that test says "Pregnant" your life changes. Whether you are planning it or not, from that moment on there is a life growing inside of you. You are a mom.

Excitingly enough for my husband and I, we were planning this baby (for the most part). As many people know, not everything goes according to plan. Not to mention, sometimes we make plans never expecting them to ever really happen to us. The moment I saw that positive test I immediately ran to the store to buy 5-50 more tests just to be sure. I didn't actually believe it. After 100 more tests or so I still thought:

No way.

Yes way. We were pregnant! I couldn't wait to tell Corey. We knew that soon after we were married we wanted to start our family. It was all happening for us, and so very quickly.

I had this idea in my head that pregnancy was going to be this amazing experience with nothing but happiness and ice cream and that "glow" you always hear about. I was finally going to eat all the carbs I wanted and love it. No more calorie counting and scale watching for me! I was going to have a cute little bump and still wear normal human clothes. I expected this:

 

    

As it turns out, for me pregnancy feels a lot more like this (sans cigarette - probably replace it with an apple fritter):

I have always struggled with my body image. Only a few people very close to me really saw the true extent of it. No one is allowed to talk about body image, eating disorders, self-esteem. It is a very taboo subject. If you express it publicly you are branded as that person seeking "attention". So many people who struggle with these issues, struggle silently for that reason. You worry enough about what everyone might be thinking about how you look. Your self-esteem can't manage someone who think's something is wrong with you emotionally too. Some of those women you see who come off as so strong, beautiful and confident struggle more than they let on. If you can't feel good about yourself, the best you can do is make the world see someone who does. To those women who's arch nemesis and uncontrollable addiction all rolled up into one is their bathroom scale, you can relate to this feeling. I was prepared for the fact that I might struggle with the weight gain a little bit, but truly nothing prepares you for the roller coaster ride of emotions that pregnancy puts you through.

With pregnancy the social norm is to not let these things bother you. You hear "your pregnant! Don't worry about it!" or "You look great, for someone who is 6 months pregnant" my favorite is "sure your butt looks bigger, but it's good for the baby!".

This change in your body is so difficult for someone who can hardly handle seeing the scale up one pound. I spend an endless amount of time in front of my bathroom mirror examining these changes pathetically from day-to-day. I swear I never knew it was possible to love and hate my body at the exact same time. I look at my growing belly and I truly do feel that it is beautiful. I love the little boy growing and kicking inside, but I can't fight the thoughts of what will this look like once the baby is here? Will my beautiful bump be nothing more than a flabby mess?

The trouble with pregnancy is dealing with all of those raging hormones responsible for growing your beautiful baby. They wreak havoc on your emotions. One minute you don't care one bit about how much you ate today. Blizzards are buy one get one free at DQ. Get me there, NOW. The next minute this is you after you get home only to find out that your blizzard has semi-melted:

Some of us are lucky enough to have husbands who love and support them through this process. Love and support my husband gives. Endlessly. Patience for a woman constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown over melted ice cream? Not so much.

The unsolicited advice from friends (and complete strangers) is endless. Granted, some of it is helpful, sure. In truth, most of it is just plain annoying. From the nurse who told me to "hit the gym and stop eating so many carbs" to the comments from people about how they lost the baby weight. With history working in the health/wellness/medical research field I am well aware of how to eat right, stay healthy, lose weight and do so in a positive way. The fact is, my experience working with people one-on-one in their weight loss journey is that it is not so much about knowing how to get there, it's getting past those emotional barriers that keep you from being successful.

For example, exercise has never been a chore for me in the past. I have always enjoyed working up a sweat at the gym (when given enough time!). However, since becoming pregnant my gym experience looks more like this:

I have always pushed myself beyond my limits when it came to exercise. I only enjoyed yoga that was extra-hot and extra-intense. Pregnancy put a stop to that. As a runner, distance was never my strength. For some people running comes easily to them. I enjoy running, but it was definitely not my God given gift. I did it because I liked to push myself. So, when I was training for a run: it. was. hard. I also struggle with perfectionism. I hate to do things that I am bad at. The minute exercise became a chore for me that was too difficult, I wanted to give up. All that extra blood volume means your body needs more oxygen to function at the same level as it did before. That extra weight you carry around? Well that adds another element of difficulty. Not to mention you are carrying a life in there. You can't exactly push yourself to the point of exhaustion without endangering the life of your child. So where did this leave me? 

Yup. Looks about right.

At the end of the day, I am truly blessed and beyond happy to be pregnant. I love my baby boy more than I ever thought I could love anything, and he isn't even here yet. Just the other day my husband says to me "you really haven't complained much during the pregnancy, I expected much worse". It got me thinking about how truly lucky I am to be pregnant and to have had such a relatively speaking "easy" time. However, I sometimes live in so much fear of being the complainer that I never really talk about the struggles that pregnancy really brings. 

Why don't women feel more comfortable talking about the less glamorous side of pregnancy? Pregnancy is often glorified as this magical time in which you can eat whatever you want and sleep all day. Why do we feel like we have to walk around like everything is all rainbows and sunshine? The fact is, pregnancy is uncomfortable. 

Nothing fits (comfortably). I spend a decent amount of time in my closet staring at all of my pre-pregnancy clothes wondering if they will ever be worn again. I miss them so! I swear if I can just fit into my old jeans I will never complain again!!!

You spend endless amounts of money on new clothes, praying that they wont fit for very long.

I've needed a new bra every month for the last 6 months.

I pee every 20 minutes.

I haven't slept through and entire night for months.

I miss lying on my stomach. And on my back.

After eating even a normal amount of food I feel so full that I might throw up. Due to the fact that there is now little to no room left inside my abdomen for my stomach to expand.

I rarely eat only a normal amount of food.

Speaking of that jam packed abdomen, breathing has also become somewhat of a challenge.

My feet have swollen to the point that flip-flops are the only comfortable shoe option. Not so great given my limited wardrobe options. Mostly I just look like a slob every day of the week.

My carbohydrate cravings are insatiable. Mostly ice cream.

I am an emotional wreck 95% of the time. TV commercials make me cry.

Every day normal activities are exhausting. I am tired by 3 pm.

I will spare you the remaining uncomfortable details, but just so were being honest, it's not pretty.

Grandparents...

Grandparents are a blessing. I feel so lucky to have been given my Grandparents. Not everyone is as lucky as me. Some of my oldest memories are of Grandma and Grandpa's house. I remember sitting on my Grandpa's lap and singing that song. I remember baking cookies with Grandma, and that always infuriating Rudolph cookie. He always ended up without any legs! I remember feeling like their home was my home. I remember the can with change in it, and walking to the gas station for candy and ice cream. I remember "hooked on phonics" on Grandpa's lap. I remember my Grandpa's workshop and that elevator he built. I remember thinking he was an inventor. All the other kids were jealous. My Grandpa was an inventor. I respected him so much. I would sneak downstairs into his bookshelves and read his textbooks on electronics, long before I could possibly understand what they said (yes I was an interesting child). I remember that 4-H project on circuits Grandpa helped me build (blue ribbon obviously!). As I got older my relationship with my Grandparents grew. I began to come to them for advice and support. I still do in fact. I was so lucky to have them so close. I was lucky enough to get to live with them for a short time. What I wouldn't do to have those few months back.

Two summers ago my family and I lost a big piece of our hearts. My intelligent, resilient, proud, and stubborn Grandpa lost his long fight with Alzheimer's disease. It had been years in the making, but we still all assumed that we would have longer with him. If anyone could fight it, it was David Molstad. He was the strong-willed Norwegian with a mind like a steel trap. I never imagined that he wouldn't be there with me on my wedding day. That he wouldn't be here to be the inspiration to my first baby boy that he was to me. In the end my Grandpa slowly lost most of what he spent his whole life learning, he planted a seed in me a long time ago, that grew into a desire to learn and succeed. By the time I graduated from college it was difficult for my Grandpa to even leave the comfort of his own home, but the happiest moment of my life thus far was when he made the trip to watch me, the first grandchild to graduate from college, walk across the stage and get my diploma. It was a little over a month after my graduation ceremony that my Grandpa passed away, and I have lived every moment since hoping to make him proud.

Now with our first baby on the way. I am painfully reminded of another milestone that my Grandpa David wont get to share with our family. I miss him every day. I miss his phone calls and incessant reminders to change my oil. I miss how much he cared about me. How worried he was when I lived in Milwaukee. To a man from Blair, WI, Milwaukee is quite the dangerous place you know! I miss his advice. I miss his level head and his kind heart. I miss those mornings when we would watch the news and eat bran flakes. I miss his presence at holiday gatherings. I wish so badly that he could proudly hold his great-grandson in his arms. I wish he could know how without even being here he will shape the life of his great-grandson simply through the things he taught me. He taught me about heard work and dedication. He taught me about the importance of family. He helped make me into the person that I am today. I hope that Grandpa is smiling down from heaven so very proud of me and the family that we are building. He always loved and respected my husband Corey. He saw in him what I saw; a loving and caring, hardworking family man, who will be there to take care of his granddaughter when he is gone. I just hope and pray that our little boy was sent here to us with a little part of Grandpa David in his heart.

A recent letter written to Corey from Corey's dad reminded me that although our baby boy is missing someone important in his life, he still has some amazing grandparents waiting for him here (even a GREAT-grandma! Who is great in more than just the title and two other great-grandparents with so much love in their hearts for him already). My greatest wish for my son is that he has the opportunity to have the same experience that I did with my grandparents. I want him to know how important family is, and how much they love him. I want him to look forward to weekends with Grandma and Grandpa. I want them to have the relationship I had with my amazing and loving grandparents. I want them to look back and have fond memories like I had, like hooked on phonics on Grandpa's lap and Grandma's cooking. I want to build continuing traditions that they look forward to year after year, like making Lefse with Grandma. I want so much for him to know is Great-Grandpa David, but more than that I want him to have his OWN Grandpa David to look up to, in his own way. I know his path will be different than mine, my hope is that is not just as good, that it is better. I know his beautiful and amazing family will make sure of that. I am so blessed with the family that I have, both new and old. Our little boy couldn't possibly ask for better.

Proverbs 17:6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children

is their fathers.

My oh my how things do change!

I always begin things with the best of intentions. I love to write. Something about your own thoughts and imaginings in the form of the written word has always excited me. I had a dream once that I would even write a novel. I have had the tendency to dream too big my whole life. I feel that it has always served me well. However, from an outsiders perspective it could seem as if I am a bit flaky, never finishing the things I start. Those closest to me would say that I can never concentrate on just one thing. I am always starting projects and then leaving them strewn about behind me as I run forward on to my next endeavor. Big or small, from laundry scattered about my room, to school applications. My whole life I have always taken on EVERYTHING. I once heard someone say: "shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land among the stars." The idea that if you always shoot for your highest possible potential, you could never REALLY fail strikes a chord with me. I have always feared failure. To me failure means finding that you can't do something that you thought you could do. I needed to believe that in life, you could never really fail if you always tried.

As always, I digress. This blog is a shining example of one of those many "projects" that I began with the absolute best of intentions. I wanted a way to keep my friends and family in touch with my life. I have always been horrible at keeping in touch with old friends. There are people in my life (or that WERE in my life) that I still think about every day. I see their daily lives flash by on Facebook, but we never really speak. I know it is my own fault because I get so wrapped up in my own busy life. This blog was my way of sharing my life with those people I lost touch with. Or just friends and family who live far away who want to read about my day-to-day endeavors. With all that is going on in my life now. I think it is especially important to re-dedicate myself to this lost little "project".

Over the last 6 months so much has happened in my life. In January, I was married to the most wonderful person I could ever imagine spending an entire lifetime with. In March, we found out that we were expecting our first baby! It was an amazing blessing. We knew before we were married that family was the most important thing to us. We wanted to start that family as soon as God would allow us. Turns out He didn't think we needed long! We struggle daily with the changes that becoming parents brings. I believe wholeheartedly that our relationship will be stronger for it in the end. After all, I know we both feel strongly that of the many things we were meant to do in life, being parents is one of the more important ones.

I really look forward to sharing more of my experience from here on out. Because we are in for quite the journey.

Nothings

I couldn't sleep last night. I decided to write. I think everyone has a little bit of a writer in them. I think that I am a bit of a lost cause. ...I deleted it. I can only write when I can't sleep. Maybe that is why writers look so tired all of the time. Happy Monday.

This Just In: I'm an Addict

I wish I could say that I have some sort of new and exciting update about my life, or that I have something inspirational to share but the last few weeks of my life have been anything but eventful.


What I do have is a link to my insightful friend Laura's blog. She wrote a very interesting exposé revealing the truth behind our generation’s addiction to triple grande extra hot double caff super double mochas. Check her out HERE!



She compares our generation's addiction to Starbucks-esque coffee beverages to the cigarette addiction of previous generations. Upon reading this I had an epiphany: I too am nothing but a pathetic addict. A sheep for the slaughter. Are we as American consumers, or just human beings in general, doomed to be forever addicted to whatever is being offered up at the time in a pretty package, or sold by cowboys, for all of eternity?

I guess if I have to have an addiction, I sure am glad it's delicious and sugary. Alcohol, cigarettes, coffee drinks. Soon I am sure the FDA will denounce coffee, milk and sugar or the combination of the three and we will be on the the next "harmless" addiction. I only hope that I won't be that only lady on her porch in her rocking chair sipping coffee drinks while the kids ride by on their bikes, pointing and laughing. They will tell their friends "Isn't that gross, doesn't she know lattes cause cancer?"  

Enlightenment:

http://laura-monteiro.tumblr.com/post/10040591700/the-addiction-of-a-generation

Don't Feed the Homeless?

I know this is quite a touchy subject for many people, but I absolutely had to write about it. What inspired this post was an encounter I had recently. I watched a girl, a girl I believed to be a college freshman, offer a homeless man holding a sign asking for money her cigarettes in place of the money she felt obligated to give to him.  I should say that I work on a very busy college campus and all summer this place was basically a ghost town. Not a homeless person or people with signs asking for money in sight. But lo and behold, freshmen week came and suddenly from my perspective the homeless population in Minneapolis doubled. These people were clearly targeting the thousands of new freshmen and returning college students with lots of student loan cash (and apparently cigarettes) to spare. Now this observation is nothing profound. The homeless clearly flock to more heavily populated areas because they more people they come in contact with, the more money they are likely to collect. Not to mention all of the new freshmen coming to a big city from various small towns in Minnesota who’s only weakness is their new found independence and desire to make a difference in the world. The first time anyone encounters a homeless person with some sort of heart wrenching sign explaining how hungry and cold they are, they are bound to feel a little obligated to “help” that person. The catch is this, their “selfless” act of giving is actually more selfish than they realize. They only thing you are doing is relieving the overwhelming sense of guilt that you feel when you see someone less fortunate than yourself. That dollar is not going to help that person in any way. All you are doing is perpetuating the vicious cycle that person is stuck in.

Best case scenario: you see a homeless man holding a sign that says he is hungry. You feel that proverbial tug at your heartstrings. You pull out your wallet, give that man a dollar. That man sits there all day collecting hundreds of those dollars, tax free. The man spends that money on food or a place to stay for one night. Gets up the next day, does the same thing, spends the money again and is back to square one: homeless, hungry and broke. That man has no way to save money so his only option is to spend it as quick as he can get it, on whatever he can. You really think he is going to save up all that cash for a security deposit on a new apartment or on a new interview outfit so he can go get a job? Be realistic.

Unfortunately, here is another scenario: you see a homeless man holding a sign that says he is hungry. You feel that proverbial tug at your heartstrings. You pull out your wallet, give that man a dollar. That man sits there all day collecting hundreds of those dollars, tax free. The man spends that money on drugs, overdoses and gets picked up by the police and dropped at the nearest hospital. He does not have health insurance. The hospital spends thousands of dollars in resources trying to help this man. If he lives, he is just back out on the streets drinking and doing drugs again. If he dies, your dollar didn’t really do too much to save him did it?

Many are correct in their assumption that not all homeless people are addicted to drugs and alcohol. Some people honestly just found themselves in very tough times, lost their job their home and somehow wound up on the streets begging for money. However, 62% of homeless people reported drug and alcohol problems, and that is just those who were able to report. I will never forget the time outside a Walgreens in Milwaukee, when I bought a homeless man holding a sign that said “Hungry, haven’t eaten in days, anything helps” a sandwich. He looked at it and said “no thanks I don’t like sandwiches”. Obviously, he was not that hungry. I was later told that man was a regular at the liquor store across the street from that Walgreens.

What the homeless really need:

-Help finding a job

-Help finding and paying for affordable housing

-Job training

-Medical Care

-Psychological Care

-If you really feel compelled to give, volunteer.

It’s not that I think I am better than homeless people because I worked hard, took out high interest loans and went to college. I don’t think that I am better than the homeless because I have a job and earn a paycheck every other week. It’s that I feel that every person has the right and the ability to work hard and earn a living. By giving them that dollar you are assuming that they do not have the ability or mental capacity to over come their very unfortunate situation. What the homeless really needs is shelter, education and medical care; they don’t need your dollar. These things are made available for them; maybe they just don’t know where to look! Don’t give money give food or offer resources. Avoid the possibility of this person using this money to buy alcohol, cigarettes or drugs.

Maybe you feel better about yourself for giving that man a dollar or bumming a smoke but they only good that is coming from giving that homeless person a dollar is just that, your own personal satisfaction, and giving for personal gain is not exactly “giving” is it?